Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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