Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(855): View more from

somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs

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(855): somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs http://tfl.nu/4p1d

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(703): View more from Virginia

my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming

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(703): my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming http://tfl.nu/nmyq

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.

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(617): So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park. http://tfl.nu/bxwf

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(952): View more from Minnesota

He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

(320): View more from Minnesota

Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

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(952): He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job. (320): Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud. http://tfl.nu/wke9

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

it's 1 pm.

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(203): i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words. (1-203): it's 1 pm. http://tfl.nu/0ewp

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(480): View more from Arizona

I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.

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(480): I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts. http://tfl.nu/t2zp

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(678): View more from Georgia

Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

(1-678): View more from Georgia

630.

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(678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains? (1-678): 630. http://tfl.nu/hncc

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(360): View more from Washington

He made me a "booty call of the year" award.

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(360): He made me a "booty call of the year" award. http://tfl.nu/7b1z

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(513): View more from Ohio

We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.

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(513): We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking. http://tfl.nu/l4c2

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close

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(978): I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close http://tfl.nu/huvz

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(941): View more from Florida

oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.

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(941): oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed. http://tfl.nu/cdno

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(914): View more from New York

If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.

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(914): If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick. http://tfl.nu/06qn

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(248): View more from Michigan

How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?

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(248): How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break? http://tfl.nu/c6en

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise

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(814): i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise http://tfl.nu/29uw

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?

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(832): So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid? http://tfl.nu/r78n

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