someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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