Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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