at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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