Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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