Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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