They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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