I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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