Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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