Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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