Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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