My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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