This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize