I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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