so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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