the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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