Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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