You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize