i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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