evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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