hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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