i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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