I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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