Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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