I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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