Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
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did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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