i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
my liver is dry heaving
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