Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
only you would photoshop your dick
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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