I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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