I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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