She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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