Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize