I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize