Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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