I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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