You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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