Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
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these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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