Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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