found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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