omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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