So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
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