so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
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Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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