I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize