Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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