if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Acid is not a monday night drug
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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