My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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