I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize