I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize