where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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